Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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