Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
COCAINE IS GR8
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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