Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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