Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
