pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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