just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
