I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
