I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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