Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
