1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
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Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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