So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
