So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
