Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
