I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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