Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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