so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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