The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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