Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
