I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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