Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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