How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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