yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Actions speak louder than pants.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
