i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
