"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
