i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
