i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
