Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
