Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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