foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"