you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
well, you know. whores of a feather.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.