Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.