I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
