This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire