i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
