Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug

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  (480): he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug http://tfl.nu/z2q2
  Replies (6) Good night (1126) Bad night (4812)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.

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  (856): I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster. http://tfl.nu/w6xc
  Replies (4) Good night (3251) Bad night (806)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.

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  (330): I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life. http://tfl.nu/ydnu
  Replies (5) Good night (912) Bad night (3465)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.

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  (704): He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that. http://tfl.nu/dgzr
  Replies (6) Good night (1719) Bad night (1167)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.

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  (541): You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize. http://tfl.nu/yage
  Replies (5) Good night (2660) Bad night (1032)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.

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  (570): He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall. http://tfl.nu/bycp
  Replies (17) Good night (1588) Bad night (694)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"

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  (973): They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!" http://tfl.nu/oehu
  Replies (4) Good night (1625) Bad night (517)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  What goes on in that head of yours?

  (206): View more from Washington

  Gay sex, for the most part. Why?

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  (425): What goes on in that head of yours? (206): Gay sex, for the most part. Why? http://tfl.nu/64li
  Replies (7) Good night (2250) Bad night (792)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"

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  (732): Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??" http://tfl.nu/dlt9
  Replies (7) Good night (1047) Bad night (541)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.

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  (914): I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go. http://tfl.nu/xxmp
  Replies (2) Good night (973) Bad night (443)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow

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  (207): Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow http://tfl.nu/s6a2
  Replies (2) Good night (731) Bad night (406)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale

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  (978): It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale http://tfl.nu/xdvd
  Replies (8) Good night (1844) Bad night (382)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...

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  (440): The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine... http://tfl.nu/over
  Replies (0) Good night (484) Bad night (281)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?

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  (410): I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird? http://tfl.nu/lwsg
  Replies (1) Good night (390) Bad night (339)
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  (707): View more from California

  I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."

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  (707): I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah." http://tfl.nu/2has
  Replies (2) Good night (272) Bad night (536)

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