I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
