worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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