he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox