I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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