so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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