people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
