i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He passed out mid-signature
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
