i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
