she looked like the bat from fern gully.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
