By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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