just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
