my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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