and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Randomize
