I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
