dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
my poor anus
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
