I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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