Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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