No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You smell like a Billy Joel song
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
