pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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