He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
