She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
