There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
