We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
