need another drink. this is the easiest way
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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