things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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