Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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