I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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