You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
