i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
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I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
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Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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