this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
