ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize