i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
