I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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