i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
