Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
