Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
