I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
