u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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