I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
