chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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